Jane Brody, columnist for the New York Times, wrote about Borderline Personality Disorder recently. It brought back memories of a woman, part of my circle once, whose manipulative, volatile nature nearly pulled apart the group we were all part of.

What I remember so vividly was the incredible intensity with which this individual lived her life – an intensity that was at once fascinating and frightening and deep. Imagined slights and insults were borne by her for years.

When you were cut out of her life, it was for all intents and purposes, forever. For years, I thought her parents were dead until something she said indicated otherwise. I used to wonder what terrible trauma had befallen her in youth to have caused her to turn her back on them so utterly  until I understood that maybe there had been no horrible trauma.

I haven’t read Rand Kreiger’s book, “Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship” cited by Tara Parker-Pope’s blog on the same subject, but I often think about this woman’s children and wonder how they are dealing with the challenges that life has dealt them.

When love becomes an all-or-nothing, unforgiving teacher, what lessons will that teach them about parenting, friendships or intimacy?

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